Recent elections are resulting in very challenging times for the country and for all of us. Regardless of political views and personal opinions, as a counseling center we would like to offer some tips to better process and cope with all of the emotions that are coming up. Trump’s influence exemplifies how confident leaders can become psychological mirrors, reflecting and amplifying the biases, fears, and identities of society at large.
In many ways, our reactions to him reveal more about us, our values, and our psychological tendencies than they do about him as a person. The phenomenon offers insight into how society grapples with change, uncertainty, and the challenge of differing values in a pluralistic world.
Reacting to polarizing authoritarian figures can be challenging, as their influence can create divisions and elicit strong emotions.
From a mental health perspective, this is an opportunity to turn inward and regain our internal focus of control. By taking another look at our reactions with curiosity and learning about ourselves, as well as by extending that curiosity to the people around us (especially the ones that surprise us the most), we can have more gain than loss. Remember that everybody and every emotion has a reason to be. We don’t have to agree with them, but we can understand them better. Information and understanding elicit compassion, which leads to making better decisions for us and others. Polarizations and extremes lead to fear, chaos, violence, segregation, loneliness, and trauma.
Therefore, it is important to listen to ourselves and others, validate all parts and feelings, spend time with them, and try to restore balance. It is essential to take your time in the validation and holding space stage and not rush it. How do we do that? First and foremost,
Understand and nurture your nervous system:
What nourishes my nervous system in moments of stress? If you don’t know it, this can be a good moment to explore since it is a basic coping skill for any stress in life. We have two main nervous system responses:
Sympathetic Nervous System Activation: In a crisis, the sympathetic nervous system (SNS) triggers a “fight or flight” response, preparing the body for action. This includes increased heart rate, blood pressure, faster breathing, and adrenaline rush. The brain’s amygdala, which processes threats, activates a state of alertness, causing people to feel anxious or panicked. When we are in this state, we can’t have healthy responses or conversations. It is important not to make big decisions during these moments, even when they feel like the only solution. Practice waiting and emotional regulation.
- People whose main response comes from the sympathetic system go into fight or flight. So, they can get stuck in endless arguments or anger or overdo things to feel better.
- If people go to a fly response, they want to move away or avoid everything (conversations, feelings, news, etc.).
Parasympathetic Nervous System Response: In this second way, the PNS takes over, promoting a “rest and digest” response to preserve survival. This system slows the heart rate, lowers blood pressure, keeps the minimum energy supply for basic bodily functions and can make us feel lethargic and paralyzed. In this case, we need to reactivate it. Going for a walk, surrounding yourself with safe people, exercising, taking cold or hot showers, and eating spicy or sour food are good places to start. In this case, our bodies are in survival, and we cannot access our logical and relational skills very well either.
- So, if you go more into a freeze or shut down response, you can feel more depressed and like giving up.
- Submission also comes here where we surrender to the bigger person or threat and compromise our authentic selves.
All of these are normal and adaptive reactions that are useful but, if extreme, can cause more damage than help in the long term. Like with anything in life, extremes aren’t good.
In the same way, the country is polarized, we can polarize internally. One of our parts or coping skills takes control and is not giving space to any other one in the system. Reference “Inside Out” Movie, Anxious part). If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it and IFS “Internal Family System Therapeutic Model by Dick Schwartz. When that happens, our health and relationships suffer.
So, returning to a state of balance is essential for physical and mental health. Typical skills include breathing, mindfulness and meditation, journaling, asking for help, and speaking with supportive friends or family, which can activate the social engagement system, reduce the stress response, and help with emotional regulation. For those of you who don’t have those types of people in your network, talk to a therapist. Remember, trauma is not caused by the event but by the impact, and the impact is greater in isolation.
Keeping traumas in check
Stressful situations can activate things from our past including traumas. Knowing our backgrounds and how to care for our pain can be crucial to successfully managing stressful times. Good management allows us to address the present and effectively solve problems.
According to a message directly from Dick Schwartz, the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS): “In the meantime, I encourage you to do what I’m doing, which is to go to the parts that are triggered, reminding them that I’m there for them, and see if any are stuck in the past with these feelings. Some of mine are just upset and need my presence and aren’t burdened (meaning they hold traumatic memories), but I found some that are, and this event has been helpful in finding them and being with them. Helping my parts this way allows me to access more calmness, courage, and clarity, which is needed for healthier results.“
Of course, look for professional help if you feel that you can’t do it alone. Nobody should or does it anyway with good results.
Making Connections and Gathering Information:
Past experiences, especially childhood ones, shape our behaviors, feelings, and beliefs. Often, we adopt patterns to cope with or avoid difficult situations. By recognizing these influences, we can start to see how they play out in our present lives. Identifying these patterns allows us to break those that may be unhelpful, liberating us to make conscious choices instead of repeating old habits. We can learn much about ourselves and others by doing this, especially now during this post-election period. Reflecting on our past and how the current situation reminds us of it, connecting any similar charged feelings and/or reactions, grief or people… will open the door to learning and growth. Psychologically, this process leads to a cohesive narrative about our lives, which helps with healing trauma, strengthens our identity, and improves our quality of life and relationships. As we become more compassionate and open-minded we become more able to approach present challenges with greater resilience and self-assurance.
Simultaneously, there are some things that we can do externally to protect us internally:
Seek Understanding and Empathize. Respectful Dialogue
Listen to others with curiosity, especially if they hold different views, to understand and learn, not fight. This doesn’t mean you have to agree, but understanding the motivations and needs of others can help build common ground. Two main questions you can start with: a) What needs or motivations might they have that create such a different perspective or feelings? b) What fears, frustrations, or judgments do we have about the other?
Conversations about polarizing topics often turn into arguments. Aim for a respectful dialogue instead. Share your perspective and encourage others to do the same by using open-ended questions to facilitate understanding. If conversations become unproductive, it’s okay to disengage politely. Not every discussion will be constructive. Set boundaries with people who repeatedly bring up divisive topics or escalate arguments.
Look for Reliable Sources of Information and take Breaks:
Unfortunately, the media doesn’t help in these situations because it emphasizes the extremes and it constantly manipulates information for ratings not for factual understanding. Media outlets also tend to support one side or the other. So, try to rely on credible, diverse sources to form a well-rounded view. And occasionally take a break from the news. Too much constant data and opinion can be confusing, exhausting and overwhelming. The sun will still rise tomorrow even if you don’t review the news before bed tonight.
Focus on the Big Picture/Issues:
Our brains are hardwired for survival. The faster the conclusion the safer we are. However, in moments of stress, we can lose our big picture perspective when we zoom-in and make quick decisions as if we are about to be eaten by a lion. When something becomes too triggering, try not to lose perspective of the bigger picture (you can go back and forth).
Channel Frustration into Positive Action
Use your energy for constructive activities that align with your values. Support causes, volunteer, or engage in civic action. People may think about this in the first moments, but actually following up is hard. Start small – something today with yourself and/or your own family. We don’t have to go too big; small steps count a lot. Making positive changes that are easily achievable help make you feel empowered and shift focus from powerlessness to action.
Conclusion:
According to the IFS (Internal Family System) model, often, “polarizations can be resolved by finding a “third way” that honors the concerns of both parties. This may involve brainstorming or experimenting with small steps to address each part’s needs. Solutions don’t have to be perfect right away. Testing an idea and checking in with each part afterward can help build trust that they’ve both been heard and considered. Using IFS to soften polarizations isn’t about “winning” over a part; it’s about harmonizing the inner team so each part feels valued and included. Over time, this approach can help sides move from conflict to collaboration.
To summarize, by focusing on understanding ourselves and others, positive action, and curious dialogue, you can respond to polarizing events or people in a way that minimizes division and promotes constructive engagement. Constructive engagement encourages us to open our minds and hearts to creative solutions that lead to finding common ground. Therefore, no side wins or loses, but we transform and create something different. There is a huge opportunity for growth and gifts we can’t see when stuck in fear and when we are one sided.
It is human nature to move from one extreme to another. How many times do we go from overdoing to doing nothing, from overeating to dieting, or from not talking to screaming? Or talk over a partner or a child, trying to convince them that our way is better? The opportunity is to aim for balance in many aspects of our lives. Don’t miss it!!
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