These are well-intentioned bits of advice given by ourselves to ourselves, or by others when we have lost a deeply loved being-or friendship or job or whatever breaks our hearts.

But it’s unhelpful advice.

Harmful even.

Because why should we “Let Go”? It’s the last thing we need to do to heal!

Why should we “Seek Closure”?  Who wants to close anything about the love we feel and long for? And what we lost?

Why close any door to love and remembering. When that door closes, our healing and growth stop.

“Get on” No. “Go Forward” Yes!

Feeling the deep grief, letting it wash over us, and not resisted, is the only true way we can get through it.

It’s the time to begin the journey from shifting the relationship from one of presence to one of memory, remembering that death does not end the relationship or the love.

This is the time to tell all the stories and recall all the memories of the one or the situation that has gone from our lives.

“Moving on” is different. It speaks of a forward motion. A movement toward light, love and new meaning in life.

“Letting go,” is the opposite, an act of abandonment-and will often, by its unnaturalness, stultify and freeze us in place. And lead to unwellness.

The Time of Grief is the time to draw close and embrace all that we are to each other.

To begin lives without the physical presence of what we loved or identified with, but in a new relationship, in a new normal.

The old normal is no more.

This is the time to move toward and through the pain, becoming part of the circle of connection with our past and what and whom we love.

This is how we heal.

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